Giving Thanks

Having just turned 49 yesterday and with Thanksgiving tomorrow, I stand at a particularly reflective place at the moment. I have enough years on me now to know that I don't have all the answers; that all that glitters is not gold; that truth can be grey and love can be real. It's been a full and worthy life so far, with many roads well traveled.

I count the years that I theoretically might have left and try and decide what I might still be able to accomplish within this time frame. It's not a bucket list as such, more just a sharpening of focus on what truly is important and what is just fluff and not worth pursuing. My great debate of the moment is whether to pursue a goal of downscaling to allow more travel or to work on my environmental goals of getting "off the grid" which would require much more time and effort on the homefront. Both are worthy, but which to choose? I could probably travel for more years than I'd be able to physically maintain a self-sufficient lifestyle complete with solar, wind, own veggy garden and livestock, etc.

I realize I'm tired and weary of decisions, but it's not in my nature to quit or stop learning and exploring. I ask myself is this a flaw, a curse or something higher, more spiritual? Is there a point where I can say I've done it all, I'm happy with all I've achieved and that be enough for this life? I can't imagine that point. I feel joy and satisfaction at each stage of the journey, but to me, the journey and not the destination, is the true goal. I honestly feel like, if I ever got to that point, I would shortly wither and fade.

And so I return to my strategy and planning. Each facet of my life, reflecting on the others, pushing me constantly to seek the next level. It's like chess..at the beginning of the game, you have several opening moves, but as the game progresses, you must become much more strategic or you will quickly run out of options and find yourself in checkmate. This is my life at the moment..about half-way through the chess game.

This is my constant pursuit, my constant search for truth and experience. But what has this to do with "Giving Thanks"..the title of this post? For every success we have in life, for every goal reached, we may have made the steps ourselves or pushed ourselves to the brink, but it is very seldom, if ever done, without any outside support. When the actor receives the Oscar, he approaches the podium receives his reward and then proceeds to try and consolidate the usually long list of people who helped him get to that one point in life. He is never able to complete the list, due to time constraints and truthfully even without airtime to consider, is it truly possible to thank or remember every single person that led us to a particular point in life?

I come from a strong, independent family who instilled solid values in me. I have found steadfast friends and their families too, who have taught me so much along the way. I've been blessed to pursue several different careers, to travel much and experience life from many different economic positions and appreciate the merits and flaws of each. I've known great health and stamina and been stricken by illness and disability. Each small facet, a miniature lifetime in itself. Thankful for each experience, both the good and the bad, without which any single change in my path, could of led me in a completely different direction. Thankful for each moment, each breath, each hug, smile and tear, each word of encouragement, each word of disgust and reprimand, each sunrise and each sunset and all the clouds in between.

Giving thanks is not just simple prayer before a meal, it's a way of being, a way of experiencing and cherishing each moment as it happens, knowing that it may never come again and embracing it fully. In that instant, in that truth, is where the depth of life resides. It is the essence of the saying.."Stop and smell the roses". It teaches us that each moment in life is blessed and worthy of thanks.

I close my eyes and breathe and let my mind absorb the moment and give thanks that I am in this place in my life, knowing that each step along the way will be worthy, so long as I cherish it and give thanks for it and what it teaches me.